Thursday, June 3, 2010

Miranda Kerr, Making Innuendo Out Of The Innocuous

As we all know, there are many different kinds of fashion models these days.

(High fashion, Commercial, Plus-Sized, Unemployed...)

Well, I've always thought of Victoria's Secret model, Miranda Kerr, as having one of the most commercial faces in the industry:

Cute-as-a-button, approachable, and wholesome... even when strutting down the runway in a bejeweled g-string.

Well, imagine my surprise when I came across these shots from Numéro magazine, featuring our very own Australian-Angel-Next-Door, shot by photographer Greg Kadel.

Not only is she bringing the high fashion in a major way, she's also being kinda... slutty about it.

I know I regularly use the phrase "cross yourself before viewing," but in this case?

You damn well better, because these are some sacrilegious-delicious photos, right here.

(It's practically a photographic "Bad Girl's Checklist"!)

"Miranda Turns Up the Heat... 
To Better Prepare Herself For An Eternity In Hell."

Normally, smoking in the lavatory would be enough to label oneself a bad girl, but Miranda felt the need to dial this bitch up a notch.

"Hide behind the rosary all you want, girl. You still aint got no pants on."

The phallic baseball bat wasn't enough. 
They just had to throw in a few extra balls.

As if the world hadn't already been subjected to a plethora of "band camp" jokes...

That better be holy water comin' out of that janked-up fountain. 
(For all our sakes.)

There are a couple of jokes sitting here:
One about "learning anatomy," the other about "supermodel diets."
I'll take the high road, just this once.

Oh, Sister Mary-Miranda, why so demure?

Knockin' da books... 
I mean, hittin' da boots... 
I mean: Shut up, we're all going to hell.

... Great.

Now, in addition to muffin tops, hidden calories, and raised expectations of myself, I have to add "God-sent lightning bolts" to the list of things I need to watch out for.

Thanks alot, Angel.

[photos: Fashion Gone Rogue]

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